Once Upon A Time In Sussex St ...

SCENE 1: SUSSEX ST, SYDNEY, IN THE NOT TOO DISTANT PAST
Joe Tripodi and Eric Roozendaal recline in a secret enclave, snorting cocaine off a supermodel's thigh.

JOE: Yuh can't pronounce his farken name.

ERIC: (pause) Faaark.

Silence.

JOE: Get Singo on the phone.

ERIC & JOE: SNIIIIIFFFFF

Curtain down.

SCENE 2 - 2GB THIS MORNING, DURING THE ALAN JONES SHOW

DAVO - Sharon, what's the name of that new Premier - Morris Eye-eeemagh?

SHAZZA - No David, it's Morris Iemma! (thinks: you dumb fuck, they've only mentioned his name about a million times)

DAVO - Ohhhhuughhh! What sort of name is Iemma? (thinks: talking about politics will make her think I'm smart)

SHAZZA - Well, apparently his parents came here from Italy in the 1960s. (thinks: yes, not an answer to your question but it may stop you looking at my tits)

DAVO - So what's he going to do for NSW? (thinks: has she noticed I'm staring at her tits?)

SHAZZA - Well, he's already abolished that vendor tax to help get investment moving.

DAVO - Ugghhhhmm! (thinks: Ugghhhhmm???)

SHAZZA - And he's keeping the stamp duty exemptions that's helping first homebuyers! (thinks: whole fat lot of good it'll do me now that all the Baby Boomers are able to snap up all the cheap properties again)

DAVO - Hmmm! Well, that's not a bad start! (thinks: Christ, for a hot chick she talks too much)

SHAZZA - Yeah! Someone with fresh ideas and a fresh approach! (thinks: for a dumb bloke he's really trying hard to pull a root, God love his little cotton socks. But I swore a long time ago: No more pity roots.)

Voice of God - Spoken by mumble mumble mumble Ursula Stephens.

Cuts to Nature Bee advertisement or somesuch. Curtain down.

One of these scenes is creative interpretation. The other is a real, honest to God radio ad that appeared on air this morning and has already provoked the ire of one Sir Golden Tonsils Laws.

For the sake of my own sanity, I'm pretending I don't know which is which.